


Memoirs of an Imperfect Coincidence

by AlexDeBlue



Category: Matt Damon - Fandom
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Dirty Talk, Drug and Alcohol Use, Explicit sex scenes, F/M, Rough Oral Sex, Some BDSM, Spanking, Strong Language in both English and Spanish, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2016-12-12
Packaged: 2018-08-30 11:55:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8532097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexDeBlue/pseuds/AlexDeBlue
Summary: The story starts with Matt Damon and an aspiring singer/artist by the name of Alexandra De Rose. They both meet in the year of 2002 when Matt  was promoting "The Bourne Identity." This story will be complied from 2002 all the way to the present era (estimated 2013-2016). Ben Affleck will make an extensive appearance throughout the story. Henry Cavill will make an appearance in later chapters. Matt Damon is making headlines in A-List Hollywood while Alexandra De Rose is making a presence in the music industry. Follow the story and see that most relationships are nothing more than a imperfect coincidence.





	1. February 2002

The Spice Club, Santa Monica’s famous club allows aspiring singers, dancers, drag queens and kings a chance to show off their talent to an audience who thrives for the love of new talent. Alexandra De Rose, the special guest for The Spice, did her gig and she was booked for an extra 3 nights. It was already 1:30 AM and Alex and Maria, Alex’s manager and best friend, were leaving for the night.

“You did really well tonight, Alex!” Maria said as she was packing up her suitcase.

“Really? I did not have enough time to practice!” Alex said as she was taking off her wig and heels.

“You’re such a terrible liar. You’re a professional! That’s why Spice hired you for 3 more days!” Maria smiled as she hugged Alex.

“They hired me because they felt sorry for me!” Alex laughed. Maria playfully punched Alex in the arm and both women headed out the back door of Spice.

Both women were walking down the poorly lit street. “I haven’t seen you with Sasha these past couple of days. What happened to him?” Maria said. Sasha was Alex’s boyfriend from Moscow, Russia. Sasha and Alex were dating for 2 years but their relationship was disastrous. “The asshole cheated on me. Drunken bastard.” Alex snapped, causing Maria to stop walking.

“He cheated on you? That’s impossible. You were so infatuated. You called Sasha ‘my Russian beauty.’ You even translated some nasty, kinky shit when he was having sex with you.” Maria claimed. “That shit is over; I take back at calling him ‘my Russian beauty.’ He even told me that he loved his mistress over me. He was a dead beat and a drunkard.” Alex said, trying to hold back the tears. Maria wrapped her arms around Alex, making her feel comfortable and expressing her sorrow for Alex’s recent breakup.

Both women walked 2 more blocks until they came to a corner and saw a promotional poster for “The Bourne Identity.” “Alex, look! It’s your favorite actor, Matt Damon!” Maria yelled as she was pointing to the poster. “My god! He’s doing another movie!” Both women laughed and giggled and went to see the poster more closely. “He’s so beautiful and talented!” Alex sighed. “Girl, he’s going to be in LA promoting the movie!” Maria said.

“Are you planning to go?”

“Me? I cannot go.” Alex said

“Don’t tell me you’re going to bail out. This is an opportunity to see and take a picture with him! You love him so much!” Maria said. It’s true what Maria said. Alex is definitely a fan of Matt Damon. She became a fan since the movie “The Rainmaker” She has seen all his 90s movies and she recently saw Ocean’s 11.

“I don’t know if I WANT to go. I’d faint if I see Matt. He’s so charming and sexy.” Alex said as she was fanning herself. “Matt Damon makes me hot!” Both women giggled.

“What if Matt goes to see you in the Spice Club?” Maria playfully questioned.

“I don’t think Matt’s the type to see musicians like me. He probably prefers Britney Spears. What type of person is Matt? Going into some club…” Alex said

“You’re better than Spears. Stop putting yourself down.” Maria snapped.

“ _Ella tiene un Grammy y yo no_ ” (She has a Grammy and I don’t). Alex said.

“You’ll get a Grammy soon! And I sure Matt’s the one to go to clubs and see new musical talent.” Maria said cheerfully.

“Fine, I’ll go to LA and see Matt!” Alex said.

“I knew you’d agreed! I hope Ben Affleck is there!” Maria smiled.

“Why are you so obsessed with Ben? He’s an okay actor.” Alex teased.

“Girl, he was hot in Good Will Hunting. That slick black hair and that sexy Boston accent…oh lord I’d have sex with him.” Maria laughed.

“A demon has possessed you! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU!” Alex yelled while laughing and shaking Maria. “I hate the way Ben smiles. His fucking gums show! That’s not sexy.” Alex said.

“But Matt’s short! 5’10!” Maria exclaimed.

“So what? Matt’s perfect! He flashed that sexy and gorgeous smile in Good Will Hunting. That sexy blond hair and those blue eyes. He’s the definition of masculine beauty.” Alex said as she was skipped along the sidewalk.

“What about Ben?” Maria questioned.

“He’s a combination of ugly and boring!” Alex laughed. “I’m joking. Ben’s pretty sexy. Not Matt Damon sexy, but he’s sexy.”

“Ben has his own sexy. At least Matt and Ben aren’t George Clooney or Brad Pitt. I think they’re too mainstream and not THAT sexy as most women and gay men think they are.” Maria said.

“I don’t get the whole Pitt and Clooney hype. They don’t grab my attention.” Alex said.

“Remember when I took you to the Regency Theater to see Fight Club? You fucking fell asleep the first 30 minutes!” Maria whined.

“Brad is such a bore! Why did you drag me along?” Alex whined.

“My brother bought us tickets remember? He was excited to see Fight Club!” Maria explained.

“Your brother has bad taste in movies and actors. Should have consulted me before buying the ticket.” Alex said laughing.

“You were acting like a child while the movie was playing. You were tapping on a bald man’s head and rubbing his ear lobes! What kind of shit is that, Alex?” Maria whined.

“For the tapping I was practicing my drum solo! That old, greasy man had some waxy ass ears! He should invest in some cotton swabs!” Alex said, laughing.

“Also, you were throwing honey roasted peanuts at an old lady’s fur hat! Then you leaned close and whispered: ‘fur is murder!’ That’s none of your business, Alex!” Maria nagged.

“Fur IS murder! Now, she’ll realize that fur is not fashion! As for throwing the peanuts, I was practicing to be the next Michael Jordan! I got those ball skills!” Alex laughed as she did an invisible ball throw.

“You’re such a clown. Who the fuck yells “BORING” 45 minutes into the movie?!” Maria nagged.

“I fucking do! If the damn movie is boring, it deserves to be called boring!” Alex claimed.

“You got us kicked out by management! You even said to the manager that he had a ridiculous tie! It was green with red polka dots! Alex, please!” Maria whined.

“It was a ridiculous tie! The manufactures should go out of business for creating such an ugly tie!” Alex smiled and shrugged her shoulders. 

“But when you went to see Ocean’s 11, you were all googly eyed!” Maria said sarcastically.

“Matt playing Linus Caldwell was the sexiest and cutest thing! He was so damn naïve, adorable, charming, sexy, and smart!” Alex was sighing and fantasizing. “He should have been the main character, not Danny Ocean or Rusty Ryan.”

“I didn’t like the way Ocean and Ryan wouldn’t let Linus show his skills! Such assholes!” Maria laughed.

“Whatever, Linus was such a cutie! I’d give him many kisses!” Alex said.

“You were saying in the movie theater that you’d suck Matt’s dick if he role-played as Linus Caldwell! You pissed off some Christian folk! They even threw you holy water!” Maria laughed.

“Dick is dick. I did mean it, too! I’d play Tess if he played Linus Caldwell. As a reward, I’d suck his dick and then he’ll have to eat my pussy.” Alex smiled.

“Oh Lord! You’re too much! Maria laughed and they headed to their apartment. 

“That water wasn’t holy water; it was purified water. And what were they doing in the movie theatre in the first place? Shouldn’t they be at home praying to some mythical creature or some shit like that?” Alex babbled as she was looking for the door key.

“You make Satan become the holy one. You’re nothing but trouble!” Maria laughed and both women headed inside the apartment. It was 2:15 AM and both crashed in their beds.

The next day was Saturday. Alex woke up and began to clean and mop the apartment. “Wakey, wakey sunshine! Get up!” Alex sang as she was mopping. Maria looked at the clock at it stroke 6:35 AM. “Alex, do you know what sleep is? It’s Saturday!” Maria said while yawning.

“I have so much energy. I only need 4 hours!” Alex said.

“You’re going to die soon. Humans need at least 7 hours.” Maria said as she was folding the blankets.

“So, you’re a doctor now? Last time you said that I couldn’t fuck up a row of Oreos! And I did fuck them up!” Alex laughed while cleaning the table.

5 blocks down the street lived the Dynamic Duo of Hollywood, Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. Both men woke up and lounging in their futon.

“I’m hungry, Matt. Make me something to eat! Ben said, throwing a pillow to Matt.

“Are your legs and arms broken? No? Okay, go to the kitchen and make food.” Matt snapped.

Ben got up and caressed Matt’s head and he handed him a white envelope. “What’s this, Ben?” Matt said while opening the envelope. Matt took out two tickets from the Spice Club in Santa Monica and a schedule of events. “The Spice Club?” Matt said.

“We’re going tonight at 10:30 PM. Check who’s performing!” Ben said, grabbing a pan and a spatula. “I’m going to make the best damn pancakes!” Ben boasted and he dropped the pancake mix on the floor. “Damn it!”

“In your dreams those pancakes will taste good!” Matt laughed while reading the schedule of events pamphlet. “Shit! Alexandra De Rose is performing! I admire her singing! The theme is ‘Sexy Motherfuckers.’ De Rose is pretty sexy!” Matt said, smiling.

Ben was doing a Salsa dance move while flipping the pancakes. “That’s why I bought them. I know you go googly eyed for De Rose. I bought them so I can scope out the honeys.” Ben said.

“Ben, they’re not honeys. They’re women, ladies!” Matt got up and walked to the kitchen. “How’s the pancake business going, Chef Affleck?” Matt laughed, teasing Ben.

“Your taste buds will get orgasms! These pancakes are best!” Ben smiled.

“Yeah, the best for the toilet!” Matt laughed.

“You should work for the Barnum and Bailey Circus since you want to act like a clown. Instead of Good Will Hunting it is going to be Good Will Clowning!” Ben laughed while he grabbed two plates.

“Do we have strawberry jam?” Matt said, looking inside the fridge while his butt was sticking out.

“It’s right next to the leftover pasta.” Ben said setting the plates on the table. Matt grabbed the jam and sat down to eat. “I’m going to buy Alexandra a bouquet of purple tulips!” Matt said cutting his pancake.

“Purple tulips? Why not red or white roses?” Ben said talking with his mouth full.

“Roses are overrated. Tulips are better and I bet she loves tulips. And close your mouth, Ben. You’re spitting food all over the table.” Matt said.

Ben didn’t care and he continued to eat and talk. “Take a picture with De Rose!”

“I will! I want to meet her backstage. She’s incredible and a really talented!” Matt said.

“The tickets have a VIP pass! Just tear the black and white section and voilà!” Ben said, pouring maple syrup.

“Just think. Meeting Alexandra De Rose. She’s a wonderful gal. What should I wear tonight?” Matt said.

“A speedo. You’ll be grabbing dick attention.” Ben laughed. Matt threw a crumbled up napkin at Ben. “I was thinking of wearing something causal. And speaking of clothes, I need to head out and buy those tulips.” Matt said, eating the last of his pancake.

“Matt, this is a club, not a date. Don’t embarrass yourself. Don’t buy the goddamn tulips.” Ben said, clearing the table.

“There is a difference between you and me and that is that I am not an asshole. I want to buy De Rose the tulips as a gift. And why should I embarrass myself? So, being friendly and showing appreciation to someone is considered an embarrassment? I know we are going to a club, Ben.” Matt snapped, grabbing his jacket.

“I didn’t need a sermon. If I wanted a sermon, I’d head for the church. Chill out, Paige. I was only playing.” Ben said, hugging Matt.

“You’re a nut and that’s why you’re my buddy.” Matt hugged ben and headed out the door.

Matt was walking 4 blocks down from his and Ben’s apartment and he come to a flower shop called “Julie’s Flowers.” He opened the door and a bell rang. The store was painted lime green, with sunflowers, birds of paradise, roses, chrysanthemums, blossoms. The shop smelled very lively. A woman, in her late 40s, stepped out from a back room. “Hello, young man. How can I help you?” Julie, the owner, said.

“I am looking for some purple tulips. Can you show me your bouquets?” Matt requested.

“Of course, I have 3 bouquets and each vary by price. The first one is the standard bouquet, which has a dozen tulips, priced at $20. The other is the medium bouquet, which contains 20 tulips and they are placed on a clear vase and the rim is tied with a satin ribbon, priced at $45. The last one is the jumbo bouquet, which has 100 tulips, placed on a matte ceramic purple vase, tied with a satin blue ribbon, includes a “to-from card,” priced at $85. Which one would you like, young man?” Julie said.

“I would like to purchase the $85 bouquet, please.” Matt smiled.

“Certainly! I’ll place your order.” Julie smiled and left.

Matt couldn’t be happier in choosing the biggest bouquet of flowers. He knows that Alex will love the tulips. Matt was reading a “statement of guarantee,” which said that all flowers are freshly cut, watered, and nourished properly. Also, all orders are hand-prepared and all orders are done and handed the same day.

About 20 minutes later, Julie came out with a beautiful bouquet of tulips. It was the most glorious bouquet anyone has ever seen. “You’re in some luck, sir.” Julie said, smiling “So what’s your name, sir? And to whom are the flowers for?” Julie said, grabbing a baby blue card and a black ink pen.

“My name is Matt Damon and the tulips are for a Ms. Alexandra De Rose.”  Matt said.

“Is this woman your fiancé, wife, girlfriend?” Julie said.

“No, ma’am. She’s a friend.” Matt lied.

“You’re very sweet. This bouquet is one of the most popular. You made a great investment today. Now, would like to add something else?” Julie said.

“Yes, please write to ‘the greatest, talented, and most beautiful woman.’” Matt said.

“Okay, sir would you like to sign it?”

Matt smiled, nodded and did his signature on the card. Julie charged him and Matt gave her 120 dollars. “Keep the change.” Matt said, grabbing the bouquet. “Oh, young man I cannot accept this.” Julie proclaimed. “Take it, ma’am. You did a wonderful job preparing this lovely bouquet and I want to show my gratitude. Take care and have a lovely day!” Matt turned back, pushed the door, and left.

Matt walked up the stairs to the apartment. He came to the door, kicked it with his right foot because he couldn’t reach his keys. Ben was reading the LA Times, heard the knock, and went to open the door.

“Are these flowers for me? You shouldn’t have!” Ben said in a stereotypical woman voice.

“Oh, ha-ha Ben.” Matt said sarcastically. “Alexandra will love these!” Matt sat the bouquet on the table.

“Did you go to a farm to pick these? They’re too perfect.” Ben said, analyzing the bouquet. “If my calculations are correct…” Ben said, laughing.

“Such a clown. Anyways time to pick out the clothing!” Matt smiled and left for his room.

“It’s 10:45 AM. The show starts at 9 PM. You’re a goddamn perfectionist, Matt” 

“Yes I am, Benny! I want to look presentable. Let’s head to the mall!”

Meanwhile, back at the women’s apartment, Alex was sewing her costume for her second night at Spice. She was carefully passing her red velvet sleeved one piece throw the electric sewing machine, while holding three pins in her mouth. Maria was helping Alex look for matching heels. “Alex, you do not have red velvet felt heels.” Maria whined while looking through 20 boxes.

“ _Que la chingada_! (What the hell!) I know I had a pair!” Alex yelled. Maria looked through all of the boxes, but she missed one purple box. She reached for it and found the 7-inch red velvet felt heels. “Never mind, I have found them!” Maria said heading out the closet.

As Alex was working on her one piece, her fingers began to feel stiff and her legs began to hurt. Alex was experiencing intolerable pain and she couldn’t continue. “Alex, what’s wrong?” Maria said and ran to Alex. “My legs and fingers! I can’t…!” Alex yelled. “Maria, please, go get me my medication. It’s near my vanity mirror.” Maria rushed to get Alex’s meds and gave her 1 pink capsule to Alex.

Ale took it with water. “Give me 30 minutes for this shit to calm down and I’ll finish my costume.” Alex laid on the beige cloth couch. “Why don’t you cancel? The pain can come back when you’re performing.” Maria suggested.

“And let this pain take over me? That’s not happening. I am going to perform; I already gave my word!” Alex said, while in pain. “I am not a quitter.”

 _“Eres terca_ (You’re stubborn) and that stubbornness will cause you great harm.” Maria nagged.

Alex dismissed Maria’s concerns and laid her head on the beige cushion. 30 minutes have passed since Alex took her medications. “I feel like a new bitch!” Alex jumped and headed to the sewing machine. “I don’t know what the fuck is in those capsules but shit I feel like a new woman!” Maria laughed as she fixed the couch. Alex quickly finished her red velvet sleeved one piece. “The fucker is done! Time to put it on!” Alex rushed to the restroom.

“How do I look, Maria?” Alex said, turning her butt to the mirror. “Am I showing too much leg? I don’t want anyone to get a heart attack when I am performing.” Alex laughed while slapping her butt. “Damn I look really great…” “Enough, Alex.” Maria interrupted Alex. “You look great! Do you have all of…”?

“Oh shit! Thank you for reminding me! I need to buy a red bra…or do I?” Alex said suspiciously. “Do I EVEN have a red bra?” Alex lightly smacked her head. “Think, Alex! Think!” “I didn’t even mention if you even had a red bra or not but you’re welcome?!” Maria laughed.

Alex went to look to her lingerie drawer. “I do not have a red bra. I thought I did. Oh, well time to go to the mall!” Alex took off the red one piece and changed into a purple polo shirt and black pants and grabbed her purse. “Alex, take it easy! The show doesn’t start until 9 P.M.!” Maria said. “I know that, Maria. I like to get all things ready!” Alex ran to the door and both girls headed out the door.

20 minutes later, in the Yorkshire Mall parking lot, Matt and Ben were driving around the parking lot looking for a parking spot. The weather outside reached an exaggerated 107 degrees Fahrenheit. You can see the heat rise from the black asphalt. The sun’s rays were ridiculously strong and could heat a car in less than 10 minutes. 

“Damn it, Ben! Pick a spot and park the damn car!” Matt said, angrily.

“Shorty, I am looking for a spot that has a tree shade.” Ben said. “Stop whining.”

Matt twitched his lower lip and all of sudden he grabbed the steering wheel. “PARK THIS DAMN SHIT!” Matt yelled.

“You loon! You’re going to kill us!” Ben yelled as he tried to gain control of the wheel.

Matt and Ben were both moving the steering wheel from left to right. The tires were screeching and the car was going in circles. “Damn it, Matt! Let go of the wheel!” Ben said as he smack Matt at the back of the head. “Well, if Mr. Self-Entitled would just park his ass, then maybe we wouldn’t be having issues!” Matt said as he pushed Ben on the rib.

20 minutes had passed by and somehow Ben managed to park on the car where he wanted to. “We’re parked!” Ben said as he smiled and headed out the car. “Why did we become such animals?” Matt said, fixing his shirt. “That friendship!” Ben said as he hugged Matt. “Get of me, you loon!” Matt said as he gave Ben a noogie on the head.

As both men were heading into the entrance on the north side of the mall, both women were heading into the south entrance of the mall. “Maria, let’s look for that bra! I’m thinking of a sexy, satin red bra!” Alex said, skipping like a little girl. “Let’s check out the store called MaidenForm ©. They have some cute bras!” Both women walked to the store and then they were stopped by a couple who were coming out from the Calvin Kline boutique. “Aren’t you Alexandra de Rose? The chick from the nightclub?” The woman said. “Yeah, that’s her baby!” said the young man. She’s even impressive in person!” Alex smiled and said: “I am not a God, I’m a just a cunt with a boner for music!” The couple laughed and they shook Alex’s hand and gave her a hug. The couple walked away.

“Alex, you’re famous!” Maria said with joy. “Famous? I never considered myself famous. I have a passion for music.” Alex said in honesty. “Alex, you will blow up in a couple of years. You have raw and unique talent.” Maria said as she headed into the MaidenForm © store. “Blow up? You want to make me into a blow up doll?” Alex laughed.

Both women were searching for a red satin bra in the size 36 C. “Why am I blessed with big tits? I mean I love my breasts but come on!” Alex said as she was looking for the correct size. “Girl, big breasts are lovely. Don’t get too confident!” Maria said. Alex stumbled upon the last red satin bra in her size and she grabbed it but on the other side, someone tried to pull it away from Alex.

“Stop playing, asshole!” Alex yelled. “No, your ass needs to stop playing.” A faint voice said. Alex said as he pulled hard. Alex finally pulled the bra and saw a blond woman who was pulling the bra. “Cunt ass.” The blonde woman said. “Blonde bimbo.” Alex said while she walked to the cash register and flipped off the blonde woman. Alex reached the cash register. “Did you find anything okay?” A young teen girl said. “Yes, thank you. But I have a complaint.” Alex said.

The young teen felt a sensation of nervousness. It was her first day on the job and she now had someone call out a flaw. “What complaint, miss?” Alex leaned over and said: “how well do you keep out assholes?” The young teen felt a sigh of relief. “We try our best to keep them out, ma’am.”

Alex squinted her eyes and said: “I smell sarcasm. Just ring me.” “The total is $35.95” The young teen said. Alex gave 40 dollars, got the change and headed out of the store.

Meanwhile, Matt and Ben went to a Gucci outlet store. “Matt, why are we in the Gucci store? We are not going to a funeral.” Ben said. “I am looking for something sexy.” Matt said.

“If you want sexy, I suggest you buy a speedo!” Ben laughed.

“I am naturally sexy. You, on the other hand, need some work!” Matt said as he posed seductively.

Ben frowned and went on his way to look for some clothes. After an hour of hopeless despair, the men couldn’t find anything. “This is a shit place.” Ben said flipping of the Gucci store.

“Eh, I’ll try the Coach outlet.” Matt said and both men walked over.


	2. I Never Make A Mistake (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm breaking this chapter into two parts because of its length. Part 2 will be the meeting of Matt and Alex De Rose. I might include some Russian text and I will translate the words/phrases in the parenthesis. I know this fan fiction is not my best work but fuck it I'm still writing! No one likes Matt Damon that's why but I fucking do! ;)

The mall’s clock stroke 3:45 PM. Crowds of people were in long lines at the food court. The constant screaming of children and the yelling of parents filled the stores. The smell of freshly baked apples from the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory shop filled the air. Mall employees taunting customers about miracle products and offering free 15 minute massages for only $14.99.

“Maaaatttt! Maaaaatttt! Maaatttt!” Ben whined.

“What BEN?!” Matt yelled. “You been doing that for the past 20 minutes!”

“Have you picked anything out? It’s not rocket science!” Ben whined.

“Look, Benny Boy. I want to look great for Alexandra. If you want to look like a hobo and smell like a tuna can, so be it,” Matt snapped.

“Whatever. I’m going to go buy some ice cream. Do you want a cone?” Ben said.

“Make it strawberry cheesecake please,” Matt said.

Ben headed out the Coach outlet and made his way to a tiny Coldstone shop. He placed the order, paid and picked up the two cones. Ben was looking at both cones and each looked very delicious. “I wonder if Matt won’t get upset if I took a lick of his cone?” Ben said looking left and right. Ben took out his tongue and with the tip of the tongue slightly licked Matt’s ice cream.

“Ooohh, this flavor is yummy!” Ben giggled. “Now, let me try mines!” Ben took a lick of his cone, which was cookies and crème. Then Ben asked himself: “I wonder how they taste together?” Ben took scoop, with his tongue, the strawberry cheesecake flavor and took a scoop of the cookies and crème flavor. Both flavors were making Ben’s taste buds dance. He was in a euphoric state and he was under a deep trance.

“Sir? Sir? Sir? EXCUSE ME!” A voice said.

“WHAT?” Ben yelled. “Can you see I am enjoying my cones?”

“Move! Young people are so rude,” An old woman said.

“Make me move, you devil in a dress!” Ben said.

The old woman grabbed her oak walker and used it to hit Ben on the shin.

“That even hurt!” Ben said, taunting and laughing at the old woman.

The old woman lifted her foot, removed her steel toe boot and said, “Do you want this shit up your ass?”

Ben got scared and ran away from the old lady. “Gets them motherfuckers every time!” The old woman said laughing.

Ben reached the Coach outlet and saw Matt pay for his clothing. He was walking towards Ben and he saw Ben panting and sweating. “Why are you panting and sweating?” Matt said, puzzled. “No reason.” Ben said, hiding his fear. “Hand me my cone!” Matt said smiling. As Ben reached out his hand to give the cone, the scoop of strawberry cheesecake ice cream fell on the floor.

“Be useful and hold my damn cone,” Ben commanded Matt.

Ben tried to pick up the cold ice cream and did his best to put the ice cream back on the cone. As he was doing that, Matt licked Ben’s cone, totally unaware that Ben took a lick before.

Ben finally picked up the ice cream and saw Matt consuming Ben’s cone. “Matt?” Ben said in a low tone. “Uh huh?” Matt said as his bright blue eyes were twinkling. “How’s the cone?” Ben asked. “Very delicious! Why you ask?” Matt said and continued licking. “THAT WAS MY DAMN CONE AND I EVEN TOOK A LICK!” Ben yelled. Matt shrugged and continued. “That’s what you get for dropping the scoop on the floor.” Matt snapped.

“It was gravity!” Ben explained. Both men walked out the outlet. “Where now hot legs?”

Matt headed inside a perfume shop and wished to buy a Calvin Klein fragrance named “Eternity” for men. He took minor sample on his wrist. “This scent is sexy and I bet Alexandra would love it.” Matt said, smiling. “You lost your marbles.” Ben said in a condensing tone. “I least I don’t smell like a tuna can. Take a shower, Benny.” Matt playfully teased. Ben pinched Matt on the cheek and said: “You’re so adorable when you’re angry.” Matt frowned.

It became 4:30. Alexandra and Maria were in their apartment getting ready for Alex’s performance. Alex was in the bathroom, shaving her legs and thighs. Maria leans near the door’s hedge and says: “Nice legs you got there, sugar mama.” Alex looked up, smiled and winked. “They’re meaty and thick!” Alex said.

“I went to pick up the mail and a letter came,” Maria said.

“Spill the beans,” Alex said as she continued shaving.

Maria opened the letter with her finger. She unfolded the letter and read the “from” address. “It’s from a record company,” Maria said.

“Junk mail. From who?” Alex questioned in a curious tone.

“It’s from Magnolia H. Records,” Maria said.

Alex took the letter, without reading it, from Maria’s hands and discarded it in the trash.

“It’s the 24th letter you rejected,” Maria said.

“I realized that. And I’ll continue to reject them. The music industry is shady, controlling, and oppressive,” Alex said as she wiped away the excess shaving cream.

“ _Ya se chica. Eres mejor que los ignores. Un día tú vas a tener un estudio propio._ (I know girl. It’s better to ignore them. One day you will have your own studio),” Maria said, hugging Alex.

Alex closed her eyes, smiled, and touched Maria’s right hand. “Speaking of ignoring, get packing!” Maria said.

Alex headed out the restroom. She grabbed her purple makeup train case. In it she placed her contour kit, a customized eye-shadow palette, her go-to foundation and concealer, setting spray, cosmetic glitter, translucent power, her favorite MAC lipstick in the shade “Viva Glam I,” a matching lip liner a makeup brush set, and a matte black liquid eyeliner. In her suitcase, she packed her custom made red velvet jumpsuit, the red satin bra she bought earlier, red stockings, the 7-inch red velvet heels, and a sultry black wig.

“Pack the whole damn apartment while you’re at it,” Maria laughed.

Alex just smiled and closed both the makeup train case and suit case. “What time does Margaret’s nail shop close?” Alex said while inspecting her nails.

“5:30,” Maria said.

“I’m going to need a manicure. Something with a red duo-chrome and matte black,” Alex said.

“You want acrylic? You look kinky with acrylic nails.” Maria laughed.

“Trace that dick with….” Alex said seductively.

“Enough girl,” Maria laughed “It’s 4:45. Let’s head out to Margaret’s.”

Back at the Damon-Affleck apartment, the boys are getting ready for tonight’s Spice Club event.

“How do I look Affleck?” Matt said, wearing a tight fitted white polo shirt from Ralph Lauren, tight black jeans for the Coach outlet, and some black dress shoes. “Well, tell me!”

“You give a boner Matt,” Ben winked seductively.

“Enough. Well? How do I look?” Matt questioned in a nervous tone.

“You look great! Why are you nervous? It’s Alexandra De Rose not God,” Ben said.

“It’s called looking handsome,” Matt smiled and went back to style his hair.

“You handsome?” Ben laughed hysterically and dropped to the floor.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m not handsome; I am sexy,” Matt winked at the mirror.

Ben laughed even harder. “I can’t…I can’t…I can’t breathe!” He grabbed his stomach and removed the tears from his eyes. “Matt, you’re delusional,” Ben said coughing due to the laughter and picked himself up from the floor.

“Psssh delusional,” Matt said as he combed his hair. “I call it confidence.”

“Confidence killed the cat,” Ben said.

“You mean curiosity killed the cat?” Matt corrected Ben. 

Ben stuck his tongue out and went looking into his closet. He pulled out a 501 black Levi’s, a white long sleeve collar shirt, and a silver gray tie. “Now this is how a man dresses!”

Ben headed out the room to change while Matt was giving his shoes a quick polish. “Hey, Ben. After the show is over, let’s treat Alexandra to some tea and donuts!”

“Tea? What type of British concussion is that? What makes you think Alexandra likes tea?” Ben said as he grabbed some hair gel from his room.

“It’s my intuition. I just know she likes tea,” Matt said.

“Well in that case, if she has a friend, I’d treat her to something,” Ben said.

Both men sprayed their favorite cologne and styled their hair. “Try inviting Alex to the Bourne Identity premiere!” Ben said.

“Should I? I might when we go on that tea and donut date,” Matt said, combing his hair.

 

At 5:15, the girls arrived at Margaret’s nail shop. Fortunately, Alex did not need to wait for her turn. Margaret has known Maria and Alex for 6 years since Alex and Maria were undergraduates at the University of California, Los Angeles. Margaret was at Alex’s and Maria’s commencement 2 years ago and she was also one of Alex’s first “audience” at the Spice Club. For Alex and Maria, Margaret was like a second mother/sister. Margaret helped both Alex and Maria in their hardest times both in college and outside.

Maria and Alex opened the door and a doorbell chime sound rang all over the shop. “I see you coming in Alex,” Margaret yelled from the back.

“How do you know I was coming in?” Alex questioned.

“You made an ‘appointment,” Margaret said while creating air quotations in the air. “You can come in anytime. What would you like?”

“A stiletto nail. Matte black with ruby red glitter,” Alex requested.

“Sit down, honey. Is this for a date? Performance?” Margaret, signaling Alex to sit.

“It’s for a performance. I’m not fucking with dates,” Alex said, sitting.

Margaret sat opposite a white nail desk. She put on her glasses, took out a pack of Marlboro, and popped a cigarette in her mouth. “Any of you girls have a light?” Margaret asked. It was a usual custom of Margaret to smoke while doing a client’s nails. Maria pulled a chair next to Alex, pulled out her BIC lighter, and lit Margaret’s cigarette. 

“Why aren’t you fucking with dates? Tell me the _chisme_ (gossip).” Margaret said while placing a plastic stiletto nail and form under the nail.

Alex pulled up her skirt and showed a fresh bruise on her thigh. “This shit is why I don’t fuck with dates,” Alex said in a frustrated voice.

Margaret puffed smoked out of her mouth and said: “Sasha?”

“Yes. Few days ago, I broke away from his violence,” Alex’s voice broke.

“Was he drunk again?” Margaret said, put on clear white acrylic on the plastic nail.

“Drunk and smelled like women’s perfume,” Alex said, almost crying.

Maria rubbed Alex’s back as a way to cope with her situation.

“He also said that if I am with another man, he’ll find me and kill me,” Alex said in a low voice.

“ _Mija, olvida de ese cabron_. _El no vale la pena_. (Girl, forget about that asshole. He’s not worth it),” Margaret said, while filing the nail. “Down the road, you’ll find a man who loves you. Not all men act like animals with no sympathy.”

“How many dicks have you been with, Margaret?” Alex chuckled.

“I’ve been with one, okay? He’s a great man and he’s hardworking and loyal. I respect him and he respects me back. These things you and Maria, well the youth in general, are going through are called “lessons.” They’re there to help you wake up!” Margaret said, puffing smoke.

Alex and Maria looked at each other and laughed. “You sound like our mothers!” Both girls said in unison. “All Mexican mothers sound like pastors,” Maria said, laughing.

“They were right. I hope they come from the grave and pull on your ears for being _cabezonas_ (hard-heads)! God rest their souls,” Margaret said, puffing smoke.

At precisely 5:30, Margaret finished Alex’s nails. “The best goddamn nails I’ve done so far!” Margaret proudly said. “Do you have a matching costume?”

“It’s a red velvet body suit!” Alex said.

“You are always showing your legs or ass,” Maria laughed.

“She has the body for it but don’t get carried away with it.” Margaret said. “Oh, and before you head out, you forgot to bring me a box of Ferrero Rocher! You promised!”

“Aren’t you on that damn diet?” Alex questioned.

“I fucking need a cheat day, honey! I haven’t had a Ferrero Rocher in 6 days!” Margaret sighed, puffing smoke.  

“Hey, Alex. It’s time for us to leave. We need to pack up for the show at Spice tonight!” Maria said, tapping on her watch and pushing Alex out.

It was now 7:00 PM. Back at Spice Club, Crenshaw Rodriguez, the owner of Spice and the person who gave Alexandra her big break, was setting the stage for Alex to perform. The stage had a classic Cabaret style curtains, on the runway, there were lights that flashed in a popping pattern, and the light was shining on the front of the runway. The tables had a red table cover with black wood chairs, and each table had a mini gold gilded chandelier with soft brown candles.  The theme for tonight’s event is called “Sexy Motherfuckers” and each guest can voluntarily wear any sexy pieces of clothing. Crenshaw always finds creative ways to increase the popularity of his club and, with Alexandra, he has more people attending.

Back at the Damon-Affleck living quarters (apartment, for you language-specific jerks) were sitting on the dining table, eating some chicken Alfredo with pesto, and watching the television. Matt was changing channels, but he gave up in finding a channel and turned off the picture box.

“Are you ready for tonight?” Ben asked. Matt smiled his usual smile, looked at the humongous bouquet of violet tulips, and slurped on the fettuccine. “Sure I am, Ben. Although I am sort of nervous. What would Alexandra think?” Matt questioned.

“Maybe she’ll be happy to see you. It could be probable that she’s fan of you. By the way I’m being sarcastic!” Ben laughed and banged his hand on the table. Matt mimicked Ben’s laugh. “Maybe she IS a fan of me.” Matt said drinking some apple juice. “Do you think she’s cute?”

“She’s more than cute…,” Ben smiled, winking at Matt. Matt smirked a little. “Ben, we are not there to be gawking at women.” “I know. I am just playing around,” Ben said, smiling.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Character dialogue contains Spanish text and translation is provided in the parenthesis. Also, this is my first Matt Damon fan fiction that doesn't include Ben Affleck as his lover (as most fan fictions tend to be). But I highlight their strong friendship bond with teasing and jokes between the two. And another thing, some chapters might be longer and others might be short, depending on how much content I generate.


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